Published September 11, 2010
Sky:
Looking up, I see clear blue.
Blue for life,
blue for believe
Looking up, reminds me of
The free space and your wings
Taking you anywhere your heart desires.
Looking up, I think of how
Love is anywhere: everywhere
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The last stanza seemed kind of detached from the rest of the poem. Up until then I didn't think about love at all. Because this poem is so short and there isn't a ton of description it seems very choppy. You go from one subject the next it seems. I don't even really get what the poem is about.
I strongly agree that this should be expanded. When I finished reading this all I had were questions not anything to think about. What free space? What wings? Why does the blue mean believe/belief. Why? why? why? The title doesn't even give me a hint.
Hi Kat Jackson, I quite liked your poem! It is good but it could be a bit better. Maybe you could expand on it a bit more. That will make it great! Other wise it is good. Very descriptive but I would love it to be longer?
Thanx for a good poem,
watchmeburn
Hi Kat Jackson! I'll be reviewing your poem here today. First things first, you don't need the comma in the second stanza. Not only will it flow better, but it will make more grammatical sense, as well.
Next, I might recommend adding more description. You say,
but I'd like to know why blue represents life and belief. I see where you're going, but the concepts of life and belief are too broad to represent such an intriguing thing as a color. In my poetry, I sometimes use instance that everyone can relate to to describe colors.
I especially like the last stanza because the vastness and everythingness and everywhereness of space does seem to symbolize love. Again, some description -- any description, at that -- might be nice. I hope this helps!
- Abigail